What a glorious day it is today. We are in the middle of a spring cold snap, but the sun’s warmth can still be felt. The sky is a clear, deep blue; without a cloud in sight. The dogwoods are showing off their pale pink blossoms. Beautiful scents waft from the wisteria vine. The world is coming alive again. While I have been grateful for the summer sound of lawn mowers this week, there is a peaceful calm that has overcome our neighborhood today. The silence calls for reflection. It is the season of rebirth and freedom. Jews have celebrated Passover which honors their peoples’ exodus from slavery in Egypt. Christians are rejoicing in Jesus’ resurrection. Animals are coming out of their winter’s hibernation. The finches closely tend their nest of eggs which lie in our hanging fern basket. After months of nesting in the cold dark of winter, no spring arrives without a deep sense of reverence. Spring is nature’s, not so subtle, way of reminding us of our own opportunities for resurrection, rebirth and renewed freedom. It is time for us to wake up from our darkness and begin to come back into the light of a new season.
Some of us know exactly what it is that we need to wake. Over time we have mourned deaths, failed relationships, and opportunities lost. Regrets of poor behavior rendered on others may haunt us. Traumas may have left some of us in literal shock. Depression and anxieties hover like a polluted haze left by scarring abuses. Daily stress tires us. Physical ailments erode our attitudes. We have been laden by misunderstandings, conflict and unfinished business.
Others of us have been in hibernation so long that the world of light has actually been forgotten. Unjust abuses and actions taken on us as children forced us into caves of self protecting darkness at such early ages; we grew unaware of brightness on the outside. Season after season of spring elapse unnoticed. As it is above the artic line, perpetual darkness rules in contrast to sunnier days in warmer climates. When told that love and light are available if we move, some vehemently deny its existence.
Unlike nature’s seasonal cycle of spring which instinctually comes every year without fail, our human rebirth can only come through choice. As humans we have free will to choose whether we will remain in the dark or if we will step into embracing light. While it is hard to believe that anyone would turn down spring for a never ending winter, it unfortunately happens with regularity. Being wrapped in a dark cocoon is the ultimate in safety. A cocoon is small with close boundaries that are easy to control. In a cocoon, we are safe from betrayal and rejection. Standing in open light can feel naked and vulnerable. In the disabling darkness we have easy excuses and rationales for our lack of growth.
When we say that there is no exit from the darkness, we are actually denying the existence of faith. Faith is the belief in something that can’t necessarily be proven. We look around and see evidence that there is light and love in the world, however, we deny faith that we can exist in that world as well. We are all worthy of light, no matter what messages we have received from those who skulk in darkness. The truth is that since all humans are born with free will, we all have the same choices available to us. Everyone can choose to be reborn.
The first step in rebirth is finding gratitude and purpose in the darkness from which we step. We hold ourselves in winter when we continue to fall back on continued regret, blame and self pity. Gratitude and purpose can be found in any human experience no matter how thick its darkness. From our pain we can understand the true breadth of the human experience. The deeper the pain, the greater our knowledge can be. The wiser we are, the greater our empathy and impact can be others. Our experiences also can be used as a spring board. The lower that board springs down, the higher it can project us upward. Deeper pain only enables deeper appreciation, love and joy. Once we make the decision to grow into the light, there is an incredibly wondrous journey to embark on. The gifts of insight, epiphanies and enlightenment are profound.
At times a bit of anger is necessary to break through the rebirthing threshold. When we have been down trodden, anger is energy provoking. It can serve the purpose of standing up in yourself. We can firmly feel a sense of self righteousness and an understanding of where responsibility lies. This is not the long lived anger of a poisoned heart. This empowering anger comes in a short burst, like a passing spring storm which clears the air of lingering pollen.
Forgiveness is what enables the cloud of anger to pass and the rays of sun to break through. Forgiveness of others, yourself and God is paramount in choosing to step into spring time. Forgiveness comes from understanding the gifts and purpose. It also comes from empathy and understanding darkness breeds from darkness. What causes pain is caused by pain. Nothing grows in isolation. Forgiveness is a decision and a journey which fills our soul with light.
The only way you can cross the threshold is alone. Rebirth is a deeply individual choice. Even when multiples are born, they cross over one by one. Some wait in their cocoon for others to cross with them. They wonder who will be left behind. We will miss some who have chosen not to come into the light. We must say goodbye or draw definitive boundaries for those who try to keep us tethered to darkness. Our waking up must be definitive and absolute. While there is a birthing canal, there is no permanent resting place between the womb and being born.
While each person must step into the light on their own, we need only look around for the guidance needed for our acclamation. Resources that have always been available will come to us in clearer view. People we have not seen before will be seen. Words that didn’t make sense before are now heard. We are attracted to new book titles. Articles seem to be written just for us. Our taste in music alters; we begin to feed ourselves. All of our senses reach out for something different. What we need is there to be given.
Be sensitive to the fact that the light can be awkward and sometimes uncomfortable until we adjust to it. When light is turned on after darkness, our eyes strain to adjust. When we take our first steps into the water naked, our skin needs to adapt to the freedom of the skinny dip. After a long winter our skin reddens before it tans. Know that even though we choose to wake up, we can give ourselves permission to nap when we are a bit overwhelmed. We can lie on our chaise and allow ourselves to nod off in the warmth of the sun.
While I sometimes fantasize about living on a lush tropical island where there is an endless temperate summer, I know I would never make this a reality. I choose to live in a place of changing seasons. While I hate being cold in the winter, it always makes me feel such appreciation for the spring. Each day I look out at my fallow garden in winter I say a little prayer of gratitude for what is to come. For now my pansies are colorfully showing themselves off. The red bud just finished its stage of purple glory. The jasmine vine has already attracted bumbling bees. It is a time of freedom, resurrection and rebirth. Come out of the dark house and join me on the porch. The light is perfect.